Couples all over the world will celebrate Valentine’s Day this month. For many, this is a time to re-kindle the spark that sometimes gets lost in everyday life. Unfortunately, this is usually not enough to solve deep rooted issues that are bound to re-surface.
Do you ever feel that whenever you and your spouse disagree, the disagreement always comes back to an old topic you’ve discussed again and again? Does it ever seem that every time you argue or fight with your partner, you are really just repeating the same argument you’ve had many times before? Most relationships have one of those – an object of contention. This “broken record” may make you start to wonder if you and your spouse are even compatible.
Do you sometimes feel so burdened with responsibilities and tasks that you lose touch with your spouse? Do you struggle to get your spouse’s attention? These are challenges that every couple faces, especially at times of heavy work and family commitments. At these times, it is easy to feel that you and your spouse are on opposite sides, having differing views on the things that really matter and failing to fulfill each other.
Every couple has at least one frequent object of contention – a topic or area of life where it is difficult to find agreement. In many relationships, the object often refers to one spouse’s outside interest, a hobby, a friendship, a career or a habit that is very important to one of the spouses. In some cases it can become so important that the other spouse begins to feel jealous and will try to compete with it or try to control it.
This happens when your relationship is out of alignment. You and your spouse have lost touch with your priorities, your future, how to spend your time and how to give each other what you really want. When you resolve the object of contention, you and your spouse make decisions in your deeper common interest.
When determining your compatibility with your spouse, it’s essential to understand their top human needs, goals and priorities. No one has ever left someone who understood and fulfilled all of their needs.
When spouses are negotiating without having common goals and priorities, it leads to a deadlock where both are disempowered. By recognizing their common needs and stepping into each other’s shoes, a couple quickly finds greater alignment.
If you have ever felt that life was running your relationship into the ground, there is a series of steps you can take for finding alignment in your relationship. These steps work even without your spouse’s participation or knowledge.
3 things need to happen in order to break the negative pattern of the habitual argument:
- Align with the needs and wants of your spouse.
- Align your beliefs around the object of contention.
- Work with each other’s strengths towards a common goal.
If your relationship has not reached the true love and passion you desire, it is never too late. In fact, why settle for anything less when a lasting relationship that inspires is totally possible for everyone. It starts with a decision and a commitment to create your ultimate relationship.
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